Dining With The Bentlers

At my house dinner can be very important. That being said for the majority of the time dinner is a time for the family to sit down talk about our days and then unlike many families we do not sit at the table we sit at on our couch get comfy and just eat! While this is the case during many of the extremely hectic week nights, this is not always what we do. When we have formal dinners we all gather in the dining room and dress nicely. Food wise we eat a lot of different proteins. Generally we have steak a night or two a week with some different fish or even tacos.

While dinner at my house can range from extremely causal to formal, I have been to a multitude of other houses unlike mine in this way. One of the my favorites was the dining at the house of my Persian friend. Rather than eating the normal American dinner, large amounts of beautiful Persian food was there for us to eat. The serving of the food was generally the same, but the amount of work that went into the feast was insane. To be honest I am making myself hungry as I speak!

Jack

I personally really like my name. To be honest I have always liked it. Sometimes it wasn't the name Jack I liked, but rather all the nicknames. To my friends I was Jackie B. to many I was JB and to my family I was Jackiepoo. That being said, never have I disliked my name or been placed in an uncomfortable place by it. Unlike Gogol being named after a Russian author or my own mother being named after a Beatle's song, my name had no inspiration behind it. As a young man I do not think that is a bad thing either, as I am the first in my family to try and create a legacy as the lone "Jack."
Not only that, but as I continue to mature I have no problem with the name. Jack is timeless and could be anyone from a boats captain to a famous actor. Perhaps one day I will decide to name my own kid Jack. Until that day I enjoy being the only Jack Bentler I know of, as the only thing making or breaking my name is my evolving reputation as I grow up and find my place in the world.

Montague?

My full name is Jack Montague Bentler and my names does little to define my heritage. Bentler is derived from the last name Blumenfeld and was picked when my family wanted a name with no country or history tying it back. Montague comes from my grandfather's family with which I feel greatly impacts my life. The Montague name comes from the French side of my grandfather's family and actually dates back to what we found to be three fourths of a millennium. Not only that but the Montagues were among the first to reach America in the 1600's. For years the Montagues remained in Virginia until they coincided with the Hill family and my great grandfather married my great grandmother. The Hill family had also been in America for many years, but unlike my great grandfather's family my great grandmother's family amassed tremendous wealth. My grandpa still tells me today he remembers being dined on by servants in the family estate. As luck would have it however, his family lost nearly everything they had and like my fathers German/Jewish family in Berlin, went from riches to just more than rags. The Southern traditions in my family are still continued every single time I fly to Virginia where I find myself listening to his tall tales out on the patio, whittling, and drinking a cup of ice cold sweet tea. So while I might have slightly different views than the more traditional Southern gentleman my grandfather is, I can appreciate the history he has lived through and the long talks we have shared on this history.

Irrational?

I personally think that we are defined much more by our irrational elements. Irrational elements can take many forms, as they are the times that we lack power over the situation and decide to put ourselves in fates hands. If we were to always act in our most beneficial self interest we would all be extremely one dimensional without any need to take risk and try new sometimes dangerous things. While I enjoy taking charge and creating benefits for myself, I feel as though taking chances and living life somewhat on the edge makes even more sense.

Contradicting myself

Everyone has contradictions. While we all work hard to do what we say, that just is not realistic. We all cut corners and we all make mistaken comments or take contradictory actions. After being asked to write this blog I have begun to question whether or not some of my actions match up with my preconceived plans. My most common contradiction is that I want good grades. To many this just sounds like a good achievable plan, but to me it is my most daily contradiction. While I am ready and willing to accept an A I am not ready to put in the work needed to secure the grade. As I work to accomplish my goal and right my contradiction I hope to identify and overcome my life's other contradictions. Thank you for reading this week!

They don't pay me enough to be a therapist

This week I decided to take on a more complicated and peculiar case. My clients Katherine and Petruchio (what kind of name is that?) came into my office both pretty worked up. After explaining to them that my office is a safe judgment free zone with no bias I decided to try and delve into their problems. Petruchio barely letting me finish, told me about how Kate was not an ideal wife and how she hounded him constantly. I asked him for some examples and he basically said that she just speaks her mind to often. I'm not going to lie, I was taken back, I mean does this guy not realize that we live in the twenty first century? His feeling superiority over his wife was crazy, I swear Petruchio was trying to tame his wife Katherine during the ENTIRE meeting. I listened to as much of his ignorant as I could manage, but before I had the ability to respond to his incorrect and offensive tactics to "tame" his wife, Katherine began to respond. Instead of getting upset she actually seemed to submit to her husband. She said that she realized she was too hard on him and instead of sticking up for herself she started to coddle him and apologize. The problem hit me as I asked her about her childhood. Katherine, Kate as Petruchio called her, told me about how she had a beautiful sister and felt as though she could never really compare. So instead of working to become the wife her father had hoped her to become she started developing a rebellious attitude and a sarcastic manner. When a man seemed to show interest in her she decided that the only way to ever attain a husband was to submit to him and follow his every wish. I quickly explained to her that a wife's role does not have to be defined by her husbands limits and most certainly does not have to be limited to the house. The pair talked some more and decided on a more progressive approach to their extremely traditional shakespearian relationship. I honestly hope I made a difference because to be honest they seemed impossible.

Denying of tradition?

Personally I believe that women taking the last name of their spouse is perfectly fine. Last names can hold long lines of family history one example is that of my last name Bentler. The last name Bentler evolved from my families name of Blumenfield. Richard Blumenfeld my great great grandfather created a huge monopoly based ovens in Germany and was extremely successful in many other fields as well. Today in the town of Velten, Germany they even have a museum in his honor. Many years later during World War II the Nazis seized the family fortune he had amassed and placed my great grandfather who was a well known chemist at the time into interrogation because of his Jewish background reflected by his Jewish last name. After many unsuccessful attempts at bribing his freedom my great grandmother eventually achieved my great grandfathers freedom with the trading of her car. After raising my grandfather and great uncle they decided to leave the outskirts of Nazi Berlin and came to settle in Beverly Hills California in the mid 40's. To start new they changed the Jewish last name of Blumenfeld to the name Bentler. Having this sort of history behind a name and knowing that if I were to have a son, the name and the history that follows, would continue on is exciting. I personally do not believe that the dropping of a last name is a bad thing or that it is done to make women feel inferior, but that it unites a couple and guarantees that the name is carried down at least one more generation. Historically if the last name of women were to be taken I would be perfectly fine with that today, but to change tradition and potentially lose track of a families lineage is a sad prospect. This in no way is a reflection on my feelings toward women or societal roles as I feel that men and women are equal, this is just my belief based solely on tradition.

Equalist?

Feminism is commonly misconstrued. Not only is feminism not understood by those hearing about it on the news or in a weekly magazine, feminism is also in my personal opinion misunderstood by a large group of said "feminists." Rather than focusing on creating social equity and promoting an open equal society many of the so called feminist can be seen slandering men and tarnishing the reputation of the feminists that work to make change and tighten the gap between men and women. So while feminism is at its most basic form, vital to an equal society, it is often confused with the lowering of one gender for the sake of the other. In its original form I would whole heartedly consider myself a feminist, women play huge rolls in my life and I have always believed that women are equal to men. In a perfect world I would just promote egalitarianism, but it really just is not that easy.

Those of the feminists that are well educated in gender equality, do however, have lots of work ahead of them. One problem that needs work, illustrated in Amy Poehlers quotation clearly identified a common problem with todays perception of women. Why can a man talk and clearly boss people around and be considered driven and purposed, while a women performing the same task is still considered bossy? Until problems like this one are abolished those practicing true feminism and those hoping for a general social equity have a lot of work in front of them.